Creating Social Change; Lets Start Now.

Recently Billy Garrity and Ryan McCarthy of Northbrook chose to take their life.  These were decisions that both would take back if they could.  As you read this you know that many people would have given almost anything to have helped them to choose another option or to have simply changed their minds.

Research tells us that publicly posting the names of people who have done something important is likely to get others to join in on that path.  As crazy as it sounds the more people we get taking action to help stop people from ending their life, chances are that less people will do so.  We are also likely to connect with those that might be thinking about suicide.  You can help, we all  can.  Lets change some minds

What I'm asking here is for you to talk with your children and your friends about why suicide is not an answer and then sign the petition below, indicating you have done your part.  No meeting to attend, no time to try and find.  Just a few keystrokes and a conversation or two can make all the difference in the world.  Together we can make a difference and help Northbrook kids feel more connected.

Everyone who reads this should sign the petition.

Change.org|Online Petition Template

So You Think You Might Want To Kill Yourself; Lets Talk.

Recently Billy Garrity and Ryan McCarthy of Northbrook chose to take their life.  These were decisions that both would take back if they could.  As you read this you know that many people would have given almost anything to have helped them to choose another option or to have simply changed their minds.

If you are considering the same route they took, read this first, please. *


If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. 

That is all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

1	You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2	Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3	People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4	Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you. But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try: Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans  These folks are an International group and can respond within 12 hours or sooner. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY). You can also call 911.  The person who answers is trained to help and they’d be glad to hear from you and to talk.  I know lots of them and they are good people. Or you can text me at 262-745-9075.  I’ll see it almost immediately and can start to respond right away.  If I’m with a client it won’t be more than 20 minutes or so until we can have a longer exchange. Carefully choose a friend, a minister or rabbi or even a cop, someone who is likely to listen and reach out to them. But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5	Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let's give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won't be the last. 

Now: I'd like you to connect with someone like I mentioned in #4 above.

Also, here’s a link to a kindle version of a book I think you’ll like; 
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0066211212/

It’s titled “How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention.“

There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It's time to start looking around for one of them.  Make contact to connect now.  :-)

* Information taken from http://www.metanoia.org

Communicating to Youth Regarding Community Suicides: How Should We Do It?

Monitoring page views and other statistics for my Blog today it became rapidly clear that a full 33% of the views came from I-phone users. The rest split rather evenly between windows systems and Mac users including I-Pads.  Without going into the boring details what apparently happened was adolescents and young adults were looking for information regarding Ryan McCarthy of Northbrook and his tragic death.  While over 1800 views gets your attention as a writer, a more disturbing and perhaps urgent issue occurs when you realize these are adolescent information seekers for the most part.

There was a time when local social service providers had a phone tree and we would call each other when tragedy struck so we could be well informed ahead of the grapevine.  News travels fast among the younger crowd and the idea was to try and stay ahead of it.  With the advent of social media, texting, chat and twitter there is now very little opportunity to get ahead of it.

The need for accurate information is still there however and the local press currently fills a large void in that regard.  Soon though, bloggers such as myself will be putting out information almost instantaneously and it may become necessary to ensure the general validity of that information just as quickly, especially it seems when the subject is adolescent death or severe injury.

Across the Country many local Police Departments and Towns have created Facebook pages to disseminate correct information in a timely fashion.  Where I live Amber Alerts and Attempts To Locate are now a regular part of the Police Departments Facebook page.  While many will likely balk at this information evolution, I believe it has the ability to make a real difference in the area of contagion as it applies to adolescent suicide.  The reason I believe this has to do with today’s teens and communication.

According to the Centers For Disease Control (CDC, 2012*), Adolescents (teens) can be grouped according to 5 general groupings;

According to Cheskin Research and its 1999 study of teens and the Internet, teens are divided into five distinct segments on the basis of attitude, behavior, and conformity.

Explorer: This group tends to be very creative, independent, and differ from the norm. This segment is relatively small (approximately 10%), but they are very influential. Many teen trends begin within this segment. They are passionate and committed to the interests and issues around which they build their identities, but their interests can change rapidly.

Visible: Visible teens constitute 30% of teens. They are well known and popular because of their looks, personality, or athletic ability. Visibles tend to spread the trends they adopt more widely because of their presence and popularity among other teens.

Status Quo: These teens represent 38% of the teen population. They display traditional values of moderation and achievement and seek mainstream acceptance. These teens are well liked by both their peers and adults. When a trend becomes main stream, they will adopt it. 

Non-Teen: These teens tend to behave more like adults or young children because of a lack of social skills, an intense interest in academics, or an indifference to teen culture and style. These teens (13–15%) become psychologically isolated from both their peers and adults. Once the parents of Non-Teens encourage their kids to adopt a trend, it is already out of style.

Isolator: Isolators are more psychologically isolated from both their peers and adults. These teens (5–10%) are most commonly associated with societal problems.

All these groups have large appetite for immediate information and all are hooked into the information stream digitally.  It’s the Isolators that concern me the most when it comes to contagion.

What I’d really like to hear is your idea’s about immediate communication and what, if anything, should be done to communicate information on adolescent suicide.  Do we need to get facts out fast?  How about information on getting help?  What do you think?

* http://www.cdc.gov/healthcommunication/Audience/AudienceInsight_teens.pdf

Recent Northbrook Suicides And Contagion; How Many More Will Be Lost?

Two recent and apparently "appropriately" reported on suicides have occurred in Northbrook the past few weeks.  17 Year old Billy Garrity on June 14th , and his cousin Ryan McCarthy on June 28th both died at their homes and apparently at their own hands.  I previously wrote a few stories regarding "contagion" and how it may or may not have applied to the Lake Forest suicides this past winter.  Before that it was Barrington and several other suburban towns.  Although the newspaper reporting on the Northbrook loss of life was well within guidelines set forth for publicizing such occurrences ( http://northernillinoissuicideassessment.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2012-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2013-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=2) I fear that contagion has most likely already taken hold and that some of the action already underway in Northbrook may be the best way to stop or hold it to a minimum.

A suicide cluster is defined by Scientists as three or more suicides in a specific location that occur over a short period of time. Contagion is a term used to identify those situations where there is some linkage between the deaths such as personal knowledge of each other, a shared identity as in school attendance or simply an age range within a specific geographical location. While the term cluster denotes a linkage of location, contagion describes an hypothesized relationship that is in some way related to cause and effect.

In Northbrook the information is already out there.  Kids and parents are already informed.  Any adolescent already thinking about taking their life knows (maybe personally, maybe not) two others who have.  Following in someones footsteps is often easier than being the first.  Because of this I think the actions of St. Norbert's and The Village Presbyterian Church in getting kids together to talk is a good idea.  In fact I think Glenbrook North and the Village of Northbrook should become observable stakeholders and use their resources to get the message out and if nothing else hold listening sessions and get parents and others relevant information.  

As a parent myself I'd take the opportunity to talk seriously with my kids, one on one.  And I'd do it sooner than later.  The worst possible outcome from that is more quality time with a parent.  I don't see a downside?  I'd also hope that parents pay attention and listen more than talk.  Ask about the why's and the perspectives of the other adolescents regarding these deaths; no holds barred, be open and frank.  Almost all these talks will be unnecessary but one or two may choose not to have these talks and time will tell regarding those outcomes.  For those kids who can't or won't talk to parents, others in the community have to stand up and make themselves available.

Youtube Video on Talking to kids about suicide:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woxn-PDBhUQ

North Suburban Suicides: What Do Professionals Look For

An older cousin of the 17 year old male who took his life a few weeks back, has also taken his life.  20 Year old Ryan McCarthy had connections to Glenbrook North High School and to St. Norbert's Catholic Parish.  Several Churches in Northbrook have mobilized to provide support to community adolescents and others affected by these tragedies.

Many questions remain, if social network posts are any indication parents are on edge and I'm sure all of us hope there will be no more suicides.  Time will tell.  I for one will be interested in how the press handles this and if Glenbrook North weighs in or chooses to stay back.  And my sincere condolence's goes out to all the family and friends who are victims of these needless actions.  There really are no words to blunt blows like these.

I thought I'd post something from the American Association of Suicidology (AAS, 2006) on the signs that professionals should be on the lookout for when assessing suicide potential in individuals (http://counselingoutfitters.com/vistas/ACAPCD/ACAPCD-03.pdf).

IS PATH WARM

Suicide Ideation: Does the client report active suicidal ideation or has she/he written about her/his suicide or death? Does the client report the desire to kill him/herself?

Substance Abuse: Does the client excessively use alcohol or

other drugs, or has she/he begun using alcohol or other drugs?

Purposelessness: Does the client voice a lack or loss of purpose in life? Does he/she see little or no sense or reason for continued living?

Anger: Does the client express feelings of rage or uncontrolled anger? Does she/he seek revenge against others whom he/she perceives have wronged her/him or are at fault for the current concerns or problems?

Trapped: Does the client feel trapped? Does she/he believe there is no way out of her/his current situation? Does the client believe death is preferable to a pained life? Does the client believe that no other choices exist except living the pained life or death?

Hopelessness: Does the client have a negative sense of self,

others, and the future? Does the future appear hopeless

with little chance for positive change?

Withdrawing: Does the client indicate a desire to withdraw from significant others, family, friends, and society? Have they already begun withdrawing?  Are they avoiding dealing with large and important issues?

Anxiety: Does the client feel anxious, agitated, or unable to

sleep?  Does the client report an inability to relax?  Just as

important, does the client report sleeping all the time?  Either can suggest increased risk of suicide or self-harm.

Recklessness: Does the client act recklessly or engage in risky activities, seemingly without thinking or considering

potential consequences?  Impulsiveness?

Mood Change: Does the client report experiencing dramatic

mood shifts or states?

Listening Is The Key

As a parent, friend or significant other take the time to listen to those you know.  Being supportive isn't about having answers, it is listening to what others are really saying.  Listening is the key to spotting the above signs and symptoms.  Successfully doing so may be all that is necessary.  How well do you listen?

For more information: 

http://northernillinoissuicideassessment.blogspot.com/2009/04/suicide-assessment-on-north-shore-why.html

And Yet Another Northbrook Young Adult Takes His Life.

An older cousin of the 17 year old male who took his life a few weeks back, has also taken his life.*  Both had connections to Glenbrook North High School and to St. Norbert's Catholic Parish.  Several Churches in Northbrook have mobilized to provide support to community adolescents and others affected by these tragedies.

Links to Additional Information.

So You Think You Might Want To Kill Yourself; Lets Talk.

Communicating to Youth Regarding Community Suicides: How Should We Do It.

Parents; Talk With Your Kids Now

What Signs and Symptoms Professionals Look For 

Community Provided Postvention Activities. 

Helping Adolescents and Young Adults Learn to Grieve.

Many questions remain, if social network posts are any indication parents are on edge and I'm sure all of us hope there will be no more suicides.  Time will tell.  I for one will be interested in how the press handles this and if Glenbrook North weighs in or chooses to stay back.  And my sincere condolence's goes out to all the family and friends who are victims of these needless actions.  There really are no words to blunt blows like these.

The following is from the Village Presbyterian Church;

"Good afternoon all, 

Really sad and devastating Northbrook news today.  Ryan McCarthy, a 20 year-old member of St. Norbert's and a cousin to Billy Garrity, took his life earlier today.  I am so sorry for this whole family, Ryan's friends, the congregation of St. Norbert's, and all of our Northbrook community.  I spent some time at St. Norbert's with Pastor Greg earlier today and the students there were in complete shock.  Please be praying for all.

With this being the second young person suicide in a couple weeks here in Northbrook, of course our community is filled with incredible sadness and concerns and worries and fears.  There are many different aspects to grief, and within our community we are probably experiencing all of them.

As the church leadership processed this today, we thought it would be good to invite people to gather for a time to process this together, to come around one another as a family, and to pray. So, anyone carrying this burden is invited to come to a gathering tomorrow (Friday) evening at 7:30pm in the Sanctuary at The Village Presbyterian Church.  Anyone within or outside our congregation is invited, but especially parents of our youth and/or our youth themselves.  Pastor Mike, Pastor Greg, Dr. Ellen Westel (Doctor of Psychology) and I will be leading this gathering.

Please consider coming if you are available.

Luke

Youth Minister"

In a previous post I wrote that "Many have rightfully suggested that suicide clusters have been spurred by contagion, also known as the "Werther Effect" (a synonym for media induced imitation effects of suicidal behavior).

A suicide cluster is defined by scientists as three or more suicides in a specific location that occur over a short period of time. Contagion is a term used to identify those situations where there is some linkage between the deaths such as personal knowledge of each other, a shared identity as in school attendance or simply an age range within a specific geographical location. While the term cluster denotes a linkage of location, contagion describes an hypothesized relationship that is in some way related to cause and effect."

So far the press has been appropriately silent for the most part.  Lets all hope this taking of ones life ends here and now. 

Information on what to look for regarding suicide and lethality: 

http://drjohnconlin.blogspot.com/2012/06/north-suburban-suicides-what-do.html 

Crowdfunding

*Some information exists that perhaps the number is actually 3.  I have been unable to confirm the possible third former student but word is it happened within the past 4 weeks or so.  I expect the press to track that issue down fairly quickly. 

Another North Suburban Suicide But With Different Press Coverage

On Thursday of last week, early in the afternoon, a Junior at Glenbrook North High School took his life at home.  While the age of the young man and the final outcome of his act mirror the Lake Forest suicides this past winter, the press handled them very differently.  In this Northbrook suicide most of the local reporting mentioned he died at home and spoke mostly about his life achievements and included quotes from those who knew him.  Only one article mentioned the word "suicide."

When I spoke with my contact at Pioneer Press regarding the standards of reporting on suicides this past winter I was told that if it can be "seen from the street" then it gets full and open coverage.  So what I read in the local coverage of the Northbrook case did not surprise me and I was glad it also followed many of the reporting recommendations mentioned in a previous post of mine.

On Tuesday, prior to Mass, as I walked through the main vestibule at Church I saw two young adults sitting and waiting with coffee in hand.  I didn't give it much thought until I exited Mass and found the main vestibule fairly crowded with young adults.  It was then apparent that the funeral Mass for the above young man was going to take place there in one hour.  Not much really differs after the finality of the act.  Family and friends come together and morn the loss of the individual.  An ad is placed in the same papers who write stories about the deceased.  This ad however is a public invitation to come and support the family in their time of grief; wake at such and such, funeral at this time and place.

Questions are asked repeatedly about why and parents worry that their sons or daughters might do the same thing at some point but most know they won't and don't.  Far too many young adults are at wakes and funerals where they normally aren't found. The questions still remain as to why, and how the press handled the news of the event carries a great deal of weight regarding how it all ultimately resolves itself.  I believe the Lake Forest parents and the Northbrook parents (and their respective communities) have very different avenues to healing.  Both are full of pain but one road contains no unnecessary issues related to press coverage and the chances of contagion are minimized.